Just some thoughts I needed to share

Some days or weeks or even months I have so much to say, but I fear backlash and rudeness from other people and causing offense...so I hold my tongue and don't say anything...but some days I just want to vent on MY blog which is for ME and always has been ... to share and express what I feel so I have no regrets or bottled up frustration , but I feel like I can't write what I want without people being mad at me.  Today, I'm saying, screw that...I want to write what I'm feeling.  If you start reading and don't like what you are reading...just stop...you don't need to stir the pot or get angry, I just wanted to express myself somewhere where friends might read, but people who disagree are less likely too.  Ok?

I saw the movie "Frozen" yesterday.  I loved it.  Seriously, I did, don't get me wrong.  It was above and beyond better than "Brave" (I hated that one).  And the music and art was just stunning!  But I have one complaint...why does everyone want to get rid of the old, girl and guy fall in love, girl gets in a bind and guy heroically rescues her?  There is a reason that story line has lasted so long.  But for some reason hollywood and especially Disney is deciding to cater to only the other side.  Women who want not just equal writes, but like to be men or something. I'm all for mixing up plots but if we turn completely away from the story line I mentioned above I'm done with Disney movies.  At least in this one the hero almost saved the girl--in the end she saved the day, but at least he was close to being the one.

From the beginning of time men have a drive to save, to be heroes, to champion, to fight wars to protect their family.  And women have been blessed with the ability to nurture, to have great love and compassion, to serve, etc.  Why do we have to take away what is so naturally and deeply set inside of us?  I know we are individuals, but I know that those things are and should be inherent in most of us.  I'm sad that because there are women out there so hell bent on being treated as equals that the men are looked down upon for being heroic, for wanting to champion women. In my opinion a man like that-- one who tries to champion the girl he loves-- should move on when a woman doesn't appreciate it.  That's a waste of a man.  It's one of the things that I feel is so wrong with society today and why we are headed for an even worse place.

I think women should be able to vote, of course!  I think women should be treated equal in the workplace, and I'm sorry in some cases they still aren't. But there is a reason men and many women don't like those women who are too extreme and therefore emasculate men.  You don't have to be a total biotch to get your point across to the average, modern man or woman.  Be that way to men who doubt you, not to nice men who have no problem with the fact that you are a woman and their co-worker or boss...I'm pretty sure most men these days could care less one way or the other.  I don't believe that's necessary to emasculate men to over compensate for that woman's insecurities, and in fact I think it's wrong.

I wish I lived in an error where women's clothes celebrated the womanly figure (in all it's forms).  I wish it wasn't all about making us look more like men---right now it's all about being too skinny and having no chest.  They tried that in the 1920s...did we learn nothing from that?  I want to wear pretty clothes I want to wear clothes that show I am a woman.  I have hated styles for so long and I'm getting tired.  Why in the world should people at school ask my why I am all dressed up when I'm wearing jeans and a sweater?  Like what the crap?  There is something very wrong with that in my opinion.

And why are women losing one of their most important traits? -- that of nurturing.  So few mothers are nurturers anymore.  Facebook made me sick yesterday with all the horrible things mom's were posting on their about motherhood or their children.  Things on the verge of cruelty.  I would hate to actually be in their homes and see how they treat their children in person.  It's like suddenly it's too hard and too much work to be kind, loving and nurturing and instead so many (not all, but enough) of moms today turn to lies, cruel punishments, lies, and impatience when it comes to their children.  If children are so inconvenient to these moms why are they having so many??  I can guarantee that most kids would benefit much from parenting with truths, explanations, love and patience.  You would see a world of better people, I can guarantee that.  I'm sick of the excuses of "well, I have so many children" (again I ask, then why did you have them in the first place?) or "but they are too young to understand"...there is research out there that says kids understand much more than we give them credit for before they even learn to speak.  And sets the stage for future teaching moments. Seriously.  It's not that hard...it just takes time and patience...and the mother might have to focus completely on someone other than herself for a while (possibly years).  Oh no!  Having children means you are making someone else a priority...it's no longer about the mother. It's another thing that is wrong with society and it's going to make the next generation worse.

My son is the happiest and most kind-hearted little boy.  I hate that he will have to be sent out in a world with children raised to be cruel and bitter and rebellious.  It nearly broke me as a person and it kills me to think it will happen to my son who just loves people and only wants to give and make them happy.  Something happened yesterday and it just reminded me of why I avoid play dates, why I don't believe in preschool, and why I wish I could homeschool and he didn't need social interaction.  I know it's necessary and I know he needs to learn to deal with creeps like those horrible kids out there, but it's frustrating knowing those kids would be very different if they had different parents or parents who raised their kids differently.

I would just like to add that I am not perfect. I am far from perfect--like SOOOOO far and this post was not to make people think I was saying that.  It's not to point fingers at anyone, it's just to make people think and reconsider and refocus and just think for a minute.  If someone truly, deep down disagrees than that's fine, whatever.  My mind won't be changed so I understand.  But I would like for anyone reading this too really look and listen deep and their soul and consider if any of my points and views are valid.

If anyone happens to read this and disagrees, then I would suggest you keep your comments to yourself, however.  I don't want to hear more crap on things that already hurt my heart and soul...I was really down yesterday after reading some status posts from other moms and I just needed a place to share without backlash.  And usually the commenters are only people who think I'm targeting them...and I don't think anyone I'm talking about reads this blog or is even invited, so every body cool down...it's very very likely not even you I'm talking about.

14 things you may not know about me...

1- I'm terrified of the roots that potatoes grow--like seriously terrified.

2- I was allergic to beets as a child...yes, beets...I'm not sure who experimented with those on me.

3- I think Bing Crosby and Donny Osmond have the best singing voice ever.

4- I’d much rather look at a beautiful New Mexican mesa than a mossy, completely green forest in Washington state.

5- I've written a murder mystery novel...but I've only allowed about 5 people to read it.

6- "Charming" says I could be a hand model, and so does every person who has ever given me a manicure.

7- I once had a pet horny toad...that is until he peed on my bed...then I was soooo over him.

8- I used to be the biggest social butterfly in high school and college and could talk your head off...now I actually have a bit of a social phobia and am shy. I'm doing better and can handle up to 2 people in a group, but big groups literally freak me out and my head spins and I start mixing up who's who even if I know everyone well.

9- But true self is this in a nutshell. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRYU4cqUAUs No seriously. Ask my family and close close friends or people who knew me when I was younger--it just takes me a little longer than it used to be myself in front of people.

10- I miss high school choir. I haven't sang in that kind of choir since and I don't think I'll ever be singing in one again. In fact I hardly get to sing anymore at all. I miss singing.

11- I LOVE food...like REALLY love food. Dinner is my favorite meal and it must be large. I could never diet seriously. I can't give up food. And I love baked goods. If I ever wanted to lose weight I'd have to exercise like a mad woman instead so I could continue to enjoy my food.

12- In college random people that I had never met knew me as the "pumpkin cookie girl". Apparently I made them frequently and strangers would show up for a taste-- didn't matter the semester/season.

13- When I love shows and get really into them I always dream about them. But not just about them. I dream I'm a part of the character ensemble. I've had some awesome "Psych", "X-Files", "The Mentalist" and other show dreams.

14- Tall people (especially good-looking ones) freak me out. Seriously. I just realized this a few weeks ago, and it's been a life-long issue...doesn't matter if they are friend or stranger...if they are more than 2 or 3 inches taller than me I just feel short, frumpy, and intimidated. But realizing that is the first step to recovery, right?  Now all you tall people know why I stutter like a weirdo around you. 

Never Walk Alone

     We live in a neighborhood that is out by itself...most people in this city don't even know it exists and think we are kidding when we tell them how to get here.  It's a small neighborhood as well.  Just one circular block--I'm not sure how else to explain it.  If you walk around the outside of the neighborhood for miles in each direction is just mesa, and then way in the distance you can see some houses.  Our neighborhood is also currently being developed which means there are many many workers...including many working in the lot next to us.
     My favorite form of exercise is walking.  I love to walk...but I'm easily bored by my surroundings, so the mix it up I sometimes walk around the outside of our neighborhood.  I'm always a little uneasy about doing it without "Charming", but he always tells me not to worry.  See, I'm pretty sure there is an occasional drug deal going down ("Breaking Bad" anyone?)...seriously though.  Or at the very least some very shady characters parked on the outskirts hanging out in their car...next to another car with shady characters.  I'm making it sound a little worse than it is...but you get the idea.
     Now a little side-note here...we live in a place where "Ralphie" stands out because he is sooo blond and 95% of people are dark haired...and then about 4.7% of the rest of them are blond but nowhere close to as blond as Lincoln.  So, you know, he stands out.  We get stopped at least 3-5 times whenever we are out by people commenting on his hair and how cute he is.  So, you know, just another reason to be extra nervous and cautious.
     So yesterday I went for a walk with "Ralphie" while he rode his little bike with the training wheels.  We walked around half of the inside of our neighborhood and he wanted to go to the outer area to see "the fishies" aka a HUGE puddle (almost a pond, really) with tadpoles in it sometimes.  But as we get to where we turn to go out of our neighborhood I look up to see these two creepy workers hanging out in the driveway of a house that's being built.  They watch us for a few minutes which gives me bad vibes but I shrug it off and we go on.
   So by the time we reach the very outer corner of the outside of our neighborhood and are about to head to the puddle this old gray car comes driving up from the neighborhood slowing down as it gets closer to us until it's slowly driving next to us and these two creepy guys are looking at us smiling.  So I get MORE intense bad vibes and tell "Ralphie" to start peddling fast and I pick up my cell phone to call "Charming" (who is at home semi-nearby).  Well these guys come to  a stop behind us and start getting out of the car...so are grab "Ralphie"'s handlebar and tell him "go fast" and start pulling him while I walk as fast as I can, telling "Charming", "COME NOW."
   In the end they went over to look at the puddle and we ran home.  That may have been their intent all along and they just thought Linc was cute...or they may have had other plans until I got obviously suspicious and picked up my phone.  Because really...what grown men go to look at tadpoles in a puddle.
   But that is why I am no longer gong to walk outside the neighborhood without "Charming".

The "puddle" which is now 5 times larger than it was in this picture...also shows you how isolated we were when those guys drove up.

Frustration

  My heart struggles on a daily basis when I am around other peoples' children.  Children are so precious, so innocent, and so beautiful -- the world is so new to them -- new ideas, discoveries and concepts are being thrown at them at such a pace that I can't even comprehend.  And while all this is going on and these sweet innocents are growing up our world is getting more and more cruel and selfish.  My heart aches for children.  Why?  Because couples selfishly want children -- sometimes without even thinking about how hard it will be and how much of themselves they will have to give -- and then once they have the children they don't give them the time, teaching, and love they deserve.   And this literally kills me inside.  I want to gather up all the children I see being mistreated and give them the love and guidance they are missing.  And maybe I'm weird. Maybe I'm weird because no aspect of being a mother surprised me. I  expected it all.  I expected the sleepless nights, the less personal time, less time with my husband, the overall involvement of caring for and teaching a child.  I'm in NO way saying it's easy--but I knew it wouldn't be.  And I expect when this next little angel arrives that I won't be surprised either.  People tell me "oh, you just wait until you have two".  Oh, I'm sorry, I think I will still parent the same, still give oodles of time and love to both children.  And I can bet you very soon after he is born we will be back to being on time when we have appointments or even play dates at other people's houses.
   Now back to parenting...
    No, I'm not a perfect parent.  I don't think anyone is. But when you parent selflessly and with love as your main drive I think you're on the right track.  And that's what I do.  When "Ralphie" needs me--I stop what I am doing 95% of the time (as long as it's reasonably possible) and go to him or I tell him just a minute, take just a minute and go to him.
   I take the time to explain things to him.  Since when is "no", or lies, or threats the best way of teaching our children?  Truth is, it's not -- there is no intelligent argument that would prove otherwise -- at least not to me...and probably not to Heavenly Father either.  In my opinion it's the lazy, selfish way out.  Your child's not eating their vegetables at dinner?  Do you scream at them?  Do you tell them if they eat them they will be prettier (or other similar, ridiculous lies)?  Do you threaten them with horrible consequences or additional lies?  Or do you take the time to explain to them why their vegetables are good?  How once they try them they might like them?  How it provides important things for their body to help them grow?  Yes, this takes time.  And yes you may have to repeat yourself...
   But seriously, why isn't this the route more parents use?  Why does lying and threatening with more lies seem to be the first instinct for parents?  It angers me, honestly.  these beautiful children deserve more -- they deserve more love, more compassion, more patience, more teaching, more understanding.
    Lying and cruel threats are never acceptable.  It's just not.  You might ask...what about when kids ask about things they aren't ready to hear the truth about?  Well, most of the time you can tell them a small part of the whole truth (with no lies added) and that's all they needed -- this is true for those scary questions like "where do babies come from" and death and etc.  I found one article with some great points I wanted to share that kind of go along with this:
   "One way to know if your child is ready to hear the truth: Try him. Introduce the information slowly, gauge the reaction, and proceed or retreat as necessary. Be as honest as you can be while making sure he feels safe, and knows how a situation might relate to his own life, and how it may not. Kids only want to know what an event or circumstance means to them." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-drexler/when-its-ok-to-lie-to-kid_b_2796415.html
    And you might ask about Santa, the Easter bunny etc...well, I'm an honest believer of the wonderfulness of believing in Santa and the magic and imagination it brings to kids.  But trying to explain that would be hard so the same article as above had a good way of phrasing it that I totally agree with and a few other good points:
   "Acceptable lies: The ones that serve to protect children from information that would hurt them; the ones that help foster imagination and belief in an age-appropriate way, like in the case of Santa; or lies that that aren't exactly lies, but some small withholding of the truth, because you fear they don't yet have the capacity to deal with or understand the facts. Keep in mind, though, that kids can be surprisingly perceptive and often understand the basic themes of a situation -- hurt, sadness, happiness -- even as they may not understand some of the complexities. Jane's eight-year-old Ned, for example, could understand that his parents were having a disagreement, but Jane knew he didn't need to know about what. Talking about it later, however, became a nice teaching moment -- everyone has disagreements. A child doesn't need to know all the details, but if they suspect there's something you're not telling them, they may tell themselves that they're the problem."
   But one more note on Santa and his pals...if we flat out asked my mom if he was real, I think she asked us, "do you really want to know?" and then when we said yes, she told us.  No matter our age.  That's another important point about the Santa stories.  If they flat out ask and you lie (even if you want them still to believe) that's probably not going to help them down the road and might even lead to their doubt in real things you've told them about like God.
    And on a slightly different but similar track...Want to hear something crazy?  "Ralphie" has never told us "no" defiantly until this past week at three.  That's right.  Believe it. I hear children at 18 months or less angrily shouting "no" at their parents.  Do you want to know why I think it took him longer than other children?  Well, I'll tell you anyway.  It's because we don't tell him no.  But let me expand on that before you assume we give him anything he wants or let him get away with murder.  When he was tiny--long before he could talk, we decided from our own upbringing, from books, and from our hearts and prayer that when "Ralphie" was doing something he shouldn't we wouldn't just tell him "no" and leave it at that.  No we started -- before he could probably even understand us -- to EXPLAIN to him about why what he was doing was bad, dangerous or what have you.  He tries to put his finger in an outlet, we didn't just say, "no", we said, "Ralphie don't put your finger in there.  It's very dangerous.  You could get hurt." (using whatever words were age appropriate).  We caught "Ralphie" coloring on the wall -- we didn't yell no, we told him, "please don't do that.  It won't come off and it will make the walls not lookyucky" or something to that effect.
   I asked my mom recently if she ever heard us tell use the word no.  She said she couldn't think of one time.    Now he says it frequently.  I think he learned it from other children, honestly.
   Another thing that hurts me when I hear or see it happening to children -- things that I consider physical or emotional abuse.  Lately I hear of this most when it come to potty training.  I won't go into specifics because I'm not trying to point fingers or anything, I honestly just needed to express my feelings and and frustrations and sort them out.  But some of the ways people "punish" or react to their child's potty training weaknesses or failures really upsets me.  Research even shows these are BAD ways to teach children to be potty trained, and yet, parents still opt for them because they are easy with faster results...but I promise you there some emotion damage is done (research proves it) and that whether or not it's subconscious, it's there.  
   I hope no one feels I am pointing figures.  I was just so saddened and frustrated lately that I had to express myself -- I just needed to express the frustrations and sadness in my heart.  I hope that it reminds people of the precious souls our children are and how much love they have and need.