A Word of Advice to Mothers and Mothers-to-Be....

A word of advice...and I mean it as kind as possible.  I am in no way pointing fingers or trying to be insulting or anything.  Please read this ENTIRE post before you decide to respond, you might miss the whole point otherwise and think I am being judgmental or rude.  I am not.
I have made some of the same mistake I am about to talk about in the past....but experience has taught me much.  And I'd like to help others to not make the same, hurtful mistakes.

Pregnancy is hard. Duh.
Motherhood is hard. Also duh.

But here's the thing.  People need to stop being so negative and complaining about it in harsh ways.  I understand the need to vent...totally understand, I don't very often vent, but more often than not I really need to...here's the key though.  Present it thoughtfully, respectfully, or with humor.  Otherwise you might be really hurting people who are already hurting.

What do I mean?  Are you thinking I'm just crazy?

Well, I have a friend who can't have children.  She would make a fabulous mother.  She is so kind, beautiful, and sweet and wants children so much, but can't have them.  It just breaks my heart.  What makes my heart ache even more is where I see on facebook or blogs people complaining about being pregnant or about their children.  Oh, that just hurts my soul.  And what about those who have or are suffering miscarriage?  Or months and months of trying for a baby? And I don't mean all of the comments about children and pregnancy...I just mean certain ones phrased without thought.

Example (and I hear this all the time.) "I am sooooo done being pregnant."  Yes, pregnancy is hard.  I think everyone knows that. But do you know what? Some ladies would LOVE to be almost done with a pregnancy and about to have a baby any second, so just be glad you are able to be pregnant and have a baby.  Why don't we try something like this instead... "I can't wait until this baby gets here!"  See what I mean?  Almost means the same thing but with a good twist.  Doesn't hurt anyone.  And instead brightens peoples day with the thought that a cute baby's birth is right around the corner.

Or those people who turn EVERY status into a "you're pregnant, aren't you?" status.  Hey, what if that person can't get pregnant or is going through a miscarriage?  Do you think that is really helpful or funny?  If you look at miscarriage statistics...most people suffer at least one.  So, let's think...before commenting and not make "you must be pregnant" jokes.  Because most often people don't go around announcing miscarriages or months and months of trying to get pregnant....so you might not know how it will bother or make them sad :-(

And motherhood...oh so hard...I only have one child and it's hard, so I can't imagine having more children.  Sometimes I see these status posts about people's children and it just makes me want to cry.  Those poor children...their parents keep having kids and yet apparently (from what I gather at their status updates) hate being parents...wow, that makes a lot of sense. When really I think all it is is lack of thought before writing their status.  I can't think of a good example, I really don't see this as often as pregnancy related ones, but I have seen a few in the past that just make me cringe.  If someone read that who couldn't have kids, oh, I just can't imagine the pain that would cause them...knowing someone who seems to hate motherhood so much can have kids but they can't.  Or if years down the road (with the addition of Facebook Timeline and all) your child reads that negative post?  I doubt that's going to buoy them up or make them feel loved and wanted.

As I said earlier, I'm not perfect. But I think if you look at my facebook account 99% of my posts are positive and not negative--especially where motherhood or pregnancy is concerned.  I really don't ever even think to post something derogatory, but on the few occasions I was in a bad mood or tired or felt like venting I thought it out first.  My mom always says that more people will be drawn to you and like you if you lead a positive life (or a positive blog or facebook account in this case).  So my point?  I guess, be someone who spreads joy and positiveness on facebook, not someone who complains constantly and negatively about the blessings they are so lucky to have.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.

So...when is the next baby due?

So...when is the next baby due?

Yah, I have the same reaction as you.

WHAT??  Do I look fat?

The answer is no, but people assume that since Baby L is 1.5 I should be having another soon.

Well, that is not the plan.  We are not even trying til at least January, maybe later.

"But why?  Ralphie is so cute and beautiful!"  We get asked...generally by those with two or more kids all under the age of 3 or 4.

Let me start by saying, that is great that that works for you (which in my opinion sometimes it doesn't but people do it anyway) but it isn't for us.

Unless of course it's an accident, but so far we haven't run into those.

"But why not?"

Well, let me explain once and for all.

First of all, I strongly believe in each child getting their own "baby time".  I think it is so important to development.  If you have a 1 year old and another baby is born...well, there goes that first child's baby time. And as far as I am concerned the first part of the toddler years still counts and "baby time".  My mother did this.  We were all far enough apart that we got out baby time, but were still close enough to play and be friends.  That is what Charming and I want.

Second of all, to be the best mom I can be which is constantly my goal, I know myself well enough to know that I could not handle my kids if they were less that 2.5 years apart.  Too much crying, lol.

We also want Ralphie potty trained or at least almost potty trained by the time the next one comes.  Two kids in diapers is too many diapers!  Both financially and physically haha!

So...we want out kids to be 2.5-3 years apart.  Now, who is to say that there won't be an accident, or an incident of twins (it's not in our family (unless you go back like 3 generations or so, but you never know), or that it will take us a long time to get pregnant and then they are too far apart.  There really is no telling, but we can try out best to plan for whats best for us and our kids.

And so I hope that answers everyone's constant question.   So to that end...remember to vote for us!