Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Word of Advice to Mothers and Mothers-to-Be....

A word of advice...and I mean it as kind as possible.  I am in no way pointing fingers or trying to be insulting or anything.  Please read this ENTIRE post before you decide to respond, you might miss the whole point otherwise and think I am being judgmental or rude.  I am not.
I have made some of the same mistake I am about to talk about in the past....but experience has taught me much.  And I'd like to help others to not make the same, hurtful mistakes.

Pregnancy is hard. Duh.
Motherhood is hard. Also duh.

But here's the thing.  People need to stop being so negative and complaining about it in harsh ways.  I understand the need to vent...totally understand, I don't very often vent, but more often than not I really need to...here's the key though.  Present it thoughtfully, respectfully, or with humor.  Otherwise you might be really hurting people who are already hurting.

What do I mean?  Are you thinking I'm just crazy?

Well, I have a friend who can't have children.  She would make a fabulous mother.  She is so kind, beautiful, and sweet and wants children so much, but can't have them.  It just breaks my heart.  What makes my heart ache even more is where I see on facebook or blogs people complaining about being pregnant or about their children.  Oh, that just hurts my soul.  And what about those who have or are suffering miscarriage?  Or months and months of trying for a baby? And I don't mean all of the comments about children and pregnancy...I just mean certain ones phrased without thought.

Example (and I hear this all the time.) "I am sooooo done being pregnant."  Yes, pregnancy is hard.  I think everyone knows that. But do you know what? Some ladies would LOVE to be almost done with a pregnancy and about to have a baby any second, so just be glad you are able to be pregnant and have a baby.  Why don't we try something like this instead... "I can't wait until this baby gets here!"  See what I mean?  Almost means the same thing but with a good twist.  Doesn't hurt anyone.  And instead brightens peoples day with the thought that a cute baby's birth is right around the corner.

Or those people who turn EVERY status into a "you're pregnant, aren't you?" status.  Hey, what if that person can't get pregnant or is going through a miscarriage?  Do you think that is really helpful or funny?  If you look at miscarriage statistics...most people suffer at least one.  So, let's think...before commenting and not make "you must be pregnant" jokes.  Because most often people don't go around announcing miscarriages or months and months of trying to get pregnant....so you might not know how it will bother or make them sad :-(

And motherhood...oh so hard...I only have one child and it's hard, so I can't imagine having more children.  Sometimes I see these status posts about people's children and it just makes me want to cry.  Those poor children...their parents keep having kids and yet apparently (from what I gather at their status updates) hate being parents...wow, that makes a lot of sense. When really I think all it is is lack of thought before writing their status.  I can't think of a good example, I really don't see this as often as pregnancy related ones, but I have seen a few in the past that just make me cringe.  If someone read that who couldn't have kids, oh, I just can't imagine the pain that would cause them...knowing someone who seems to hate motherhood so much can have kids but they can't.  Or if years down the road (with the addition of Facebook Timeline and all) your child reads that negative post?  I doubt that's going to buoy them up or make them feel loved and wanted.

As I said earlier, I'm not perfect. But I think if you look at my facebook account 99% of my posts are positive and not negative--especially where motherhood or pregnancy is concerned.  I really don't ever even think to post something derogatory, but on the few occasions I was in a bad mood or tired or felt like venting I thought it out first.  My mom always says that more people will be drawn to you and like you if you lead a positive life (or a positive blog or facebook account in this case).  So my point?  I guess, be someone who spreads joy and positiveness on facebook, not someone who complains constantly and negatively about the blessings they are so lucky to have.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

An Experience to Avoid

Aw, yesterday was lovely--believe it or not, knowing the day before we got a few inches of snow!  We were able to have tons of fun and spend lots of time outside!  Heaven!

We started off the morning by heading to Park Day at a big park here in town, met up with some other ladies in the ward.  It was a lot of fun, Ralphie was super cute.  At one point I was swinging all the kids (including Ralphie) on the tire swing and they all started singing together…but their own song. Adorable.

However, something bad happened too…I was talking to a friend, Iwalani, and looked away from Ralphie for no more than a minute (I had been watching him like a hawk, but he was playing with little Cadence so I figured he would stay near her and close)…but next thing we know they are MISSING!  And this park is pretty big…and backs a VERY busy four lane highway!!  So I started searching for him…some of us went one way, the others the other way.  For some weird reason I was insanely calm…even though he was missing and minutes were passing and I still wasn’t finding him…I wasn’t freaking out!  Whether I was just in shock or something was telling me that he was ok I don’t know, but I stayed calm…even when my mind kept thinking all these horrible things that could happen to him!  

Finally from the other side of the park someone yelled, “They are over here!”  So I ran over…they were all the way across this big soccer field by the gate and high way splashing in puddles.  Oh, I was so glad I found him!  Of course I tried to tell him to never leave or run off and always stay where he can see Mommy…but you know I am sure none of it made sense or sunk in.  So…I am saying some serious prayers of thanks you today!  

However, I don't know what to do!  I literally watch him like a hawk...sometimes it seems more so than the other parents watch their kids.  Are their kids just older and smarter?  Or is Ralphie just curious and/or belligerent?  How am I supposed to bring him to the park and enjoy it if I literally can't take my eyes off him?  Anyone have any suggestions or ideas??

Later Charming and I took him to another little park we like to visit and attempted to fly the kite…it worked briefly…then we watched Ralphie drive his car along the brick wall for a bit and were about to leave when a few people in our ward showed up…who had a dog…which Ralphie chased for about 15 minutes non-stop…he almost followed it out of our site about three times so we had to chase him down and make him come back.  Ugh!  I have no idea what I am going to do with him!  Please...share your ideas!
 
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